Dear Chris,
I’m sleeping in our bed tonight. The last night we slept here was January 11th, when you couldn’t sleep and stayed up starting to write a letter to Magnus before we went to MDA.
It’s late and I’ve taken a sleeping pill so I can sleep. It’s so strange being here, in this room, in this bed, in our bed without you.
I cried and now I’ve shut off my brain, it’s too much to be in this room.
I heard a story on NPR today, on This American Life, a read version of the newlywed wife of a first responder to the scene at Chernobyl and I broke down crying so fast in the car. Her words, her words were how I felt about you and her actions would have been my actions.
I love you. I love you. I love you.
ad astra per aspera 