what is this what are you doing amanda is this helping? is there even any way to help this?
alone in a hotel, tired of fucking hospital rooms, tired, fuck that word does it no justice, tired tired TIRED of missing my fucking son of seeing him over skype on a fucking computer.
I want to hold him in my arms, I want him to bury his head in my chest when he wakes up from his nap and is cranky.
I used to know my little boy better than anyone and I don’t anymore and I can’t describe that feeling, it’s fucking horrible.
I don’t know how to cry on anyones shoulder, even when I probably really need to. I don’t want to call anyone up on the phone and explain any of this, I want to glaze over it, past it. But I don’t know how far, how long that is.
So for now I will drink some wine, skype again with my son, and keep the pieces of myself together another day to get up tomorrow and figure it out again.
ad astra per aspera 
That's all you can do….and all you can expect to do, really. I can only imagine the agony of being separated from that little boy of yours…focus on the entirety of the timeline…you have the whole rest of your life. And not a million miles or a million years could ever really come between a mother and her child.
Be well Dandy…you are doing great.
That's all you can do….and all you can expect to do, really. I can only imagine the agony of being separated from that little boy of yours…focus on the entirety of the timeline…you have the whole rest of your life. And not a million miles or a million years could ever really come between a mother and her child.
Be well Dandy…you are doing great.