ad astra per aspera

I’m looking for you again, looking anywhere and everywhere for some scrap I haven’t seen before.  Or I’m looking at any white noise I can find, any nonsense to disconnect myself from everything because it hurts, again, it hurts.
It’ll pass but I’m in the thick of it, I’m here in the fog, sometimes clawing my way out to catch glimpses of me in this life.  But mostly this past week or more or so, or I don’t know how long, I’m going thru the motions again, dragging this body thru the paces of a day, dragging it around and finding little comfort, not giving myself comfort and rest, forgetting how, to just let this out of me somehow, fuck I want it out it hurts and I stay up too late and I procrastinate EVERYTHING until it’s last minute rushing and fatigue.  Fuck that early fatigue has crept back in.  I’m so fucking tired Chris, I’m so tired and I can’t find you.