it’s 9 a.m. and I’m drinking one beer, quickly, one boulevard nutcracker ale, it should be a fucking holiday cheer
745 dropped off magnus, dropped off trampoline @ Jessica’s, then to Walgreens for wrapping paper but it’s all too expensive so I just buy a toy for the toys for tots donation box.
I’m listening to WHY? in the truck and it’s slowly unraveling me but I don’t know it yet
I’m distracted in line at walgreens and when I’m across the street at the $1 store I remember the chapstick i meant to buy but unintentionally shoplifted instead, i laugh at myself
purchase purchase wrapping paper and the anger is building
return to walgreens and pay for previously shoplifted chapstick, decide I can’t deal with simply buying milk across the street at checkers, i’ve been meaning to make a real grocery list for weeks now
drive home, impatient, speeding a bit, and the anger makes me scream until i feel pain and it’s not enough, i’d like to break something with my hands until they bleed, until they break, i need something outside to match my insides, i need some fucking physical pain to try to balance this fucking inside horror rage devastation
at home, more WHY? playing loudly and drinking my one beer and trying to give a fucking shit about showering or wrapping presents or making a grocery list or doing anything else besides losing my fucking mind until it’s time to get Magnus
ad astra per aspera 