you can’t put your arms around a memory so don’t try

I avoid a lot of music to since Chris died, it’s too painful. Tonight I played Jesu’s Ruined and it has left me feeling a bit undone.

I lay in bed earlier in the afternoon for a short nap, lay in my bed, in the middle of the bed that used to hold two of us that now holds one. In the moments before I slip into sleep my body and my mind craves the comfort of his hug, his embrace. It’s hard to describe the raw desperate yearning I have to just feel his arms around me again, just once oh fuck just once more. I can’t wrap myself in a memory, I’ve tried.

ad astra per aspera

This blog was an outlet to process sadness, anger, confusion and anything else in those ranges. It started during my husband Chris' treatment for leukemia and continued after his death.