ad astra per aspera

Magnus is watching Ponyo for the 2nd time today.  Or rather he started it before falling asleep for his nap.  Today fucking sucks.  I’m emotionally exhausted and cry easily.  Unpacking the kitchen stuff is horrible.  Finding the photos and magnets that we had up on our fridge and putting them back up, but it being just me is awful.  All of this is awful.  I’m not motivated to do anything, I’m doing this because I’m supposed to because I have to take care of my kid.  
But I don’t want to do any of this, I don’t want to be doing this alone.  I don’t want to be a single mom.  I don’t want to empty the trash I don’t want to take a shower.  I don’t want to eat dinner and I don’t want to unpack the contents of a life that was once “ours” and is now so horrifically only mine.  I don’t want to share my bed with my son I want to share it with my husband.
I will do all of these things I don’t want to do, the days will build and time will pass and I hope, I hope I start to feel alive again.