There’s something empty, something clutching
How do I feel, what do I need?
I need what I can’t have, I need my husband back. I need him to be able to keep his eyes open for more than a minute and to speak clearly and hold a conversation with me. The fact that he can’t do this has scary implications I don’t want to think about.
I want the fucking tests done NOW and the results back NOW and a diagnosis/prognosis/treatment figured out NOW NOW FUCKING NOW.
I want whatever it is that is strangling my heart to let the fuck go.
I want a few hours of life with a healthy husband. I want the mundane problems of life back. I want my eye to stop randomly twitching.
I want to know what is in my husbands body and how to get it out, how to kill it without also killing him.
I want my husband to play with our son and run around the yard laughing and laughing.
I want to grow old and gray and saggy and cranky with my husband.
ad astra per aspera 