email I sent to a friend
We talked a few times with his mom and she said that what Brenda said was not true. I think that Mary may sometimes be telling Brenda that she is tired and Brenda is blowing it out of proportion. I also think that sometimes Mary uses Magnus as an excuse to not do things.
The email message from Brenda really pissed me off and hurt me. When I talked with Chris about Magnus staying somewhere else he said that he really didn’t want Magnus staying further away from us and I understand that.
I’ve realized that because of all the other stress I’m dealing with I have a pretty low threshold for anything else and I tend to react to it pretty quickly.
Chris’s mom still wants to watch Magnus and Chris would like that too. Until I talked some stuff out in my counseling session today I was pretty adamant to Chris that I did not want Magnus staying with his parents any longer.
I have a tendency to cut things out that aren’t working or that hurt me, like the fact that I don’t have any contact with my parents or sister.
Overall I like the job that Chris’ mom is doing watching Magnus. Even tho my reaction is to just not deal with his parents anymore and send Magnus elsewhere it will probably do more damage than good to all of our relationships in the long term. His mom will be really hurt if I move Magnus elsewhere. My initial reaction to that is “who cares” but my counselor helped me realize that if I do want to have a long term relationship with his parents that I’ll have to help make it work. If his mom isn’t able to ask for help or a break from Magnus sometimes then I can set up a weekly schedule where I have Magnus for a chunk of time and then she can spend that with Chris or whatever.
His sister being rude and self-centered is and has caused a lot of mis-understandings and drama. I blocked her email address so I won’t be getting anymore shitty messages from her.
This is such a difficult stressful situation and I have said that I hope that it can bring us closer together as a family, but if I just give up trying with his parents then it won’t bring us closer. If I do want a good relationship with his parents I’m going to have to try and figure out a way to work around/with their family dynamic instead of reacting and confronting. It’s not easy but if I want it to work I will have to put forth the energy.
My parents will more than likely never be involved in his life, my mom doesn’t even know I have a son. Even tho I am frustrated with some things about his parents I need to learn how to work thru it.
Right now where we stay is half of a duplex and the other side is going to be available at the end of the month. We are friends with the landlord so he is going to forgo a deposit for us and we’ll be moving in at the beginning of February. Having our own space again will help A LOT and allow Magnus to stay with us when Chris’ health allows it.
This time has been such a roller coaster and it’s hard to keep my bearings sometimes.
Thank you for talking with me when I was so upset and helping me see that we do have options if it doesn’t work out for Magnus to be at his parents house.
Maybe a weekend in the next month or so I can come visit with Magnus, and Chris if he is able. Magnus would love to have someone to play with!
ad astra per aspera 