ad astra per aspera

The session I had with a counselor at the Livestrong Cancer Navigation Center helped a lot.  I’ve been stressing myself out trying to fix a lot of problems (Chris’ family dynamics) that aren’t mine to fix, nor can I even fix them.
It’s second nature to me to try and fix things around me but that doesn’t do me any favors, especially right now.  No matter what I say or don’t say it won’t change anyone’s behavior around me.  I can have a “serious discussion” with Chris’ mom about her passive-aggressive manipulative behavior over the holidays or I can do my best to let it go because I don’t have the time or the energy to deal with it.  Odds are nothing I say will change much of anything because this is the way their family dynamic has existed for many, many years.  I can focus on what his mom does that pisses me off or I can focus instead on how much I appreciate her watching/raising our son.  She loves him and takes wonderful care of him and has taught him many things.
Why spend my energy trying to fix things that I can’t possibly fix.  Instead I should be figuring out how to take time for myself so that I don’t become so overwhelmed by this life with cancer and chemo.  I can’t fix family dynamics or Chris’ chemo or the fact that we can’t raise our own son right now.  I can learn how to take better care of myself and stop fixating on all the negative aspects – doing that is going to drown me.
So I plan to enjoy Christmas with my husband and my son and my mother-in-law and try to not fix everyone else.