Chris can feel a mass in his throat area – the same type and place where the original one is.
He’s scared that it means that the chemo isn’t working and he’s going to die. I don’t know how to make him feel better because I can’t let my emotions go down that path. All I can do is leave a voicemail for the nurse about it and remind him that he is having a PET scan done next Tuesday that will tell his Dr. what is or is not going on.
We pick up Magnus tomorrow. We will stay 2 nights here at Gary’s. Chris will sleep on the couch or at a friends house those 2 nights since our room/bed is not big enough for the 3 of us. That way I can get up with Magnus at 6 AM and Chris can sleep in the bedroom during the day if he needs rest. This house is sooooo fucking small and not child friendly.
The next two nights we will go stay at a friends house who will be out of town so we will get a place all to ourselves for a brief period of time.
I wish I was alone in the house right now because I need to clean this whole place since Magnus is coming and I hate cleaning with other people in the house. Apparently Chris and others decided a bit ago to have people over tonight and grill. I’d rather have an empty house and a calm night before we get up super early to go get Magnus but that’s the hermit in me.
So I’ll go pick up Chris’ mental meds (that it took 4 phone calls back and forth from the nurse and the pharmacist to get figured out), fill up Chris’ 2 week pill dispenser, clean the house, make a list of shit that we need to make sure we get from Chris’ parents house for Magnus, and shower and hang out by myself in the room and knit and watch netflix. The last part sounds relaxing and hopefully I can get people to understand that I’m not upset I just want some time by myself.
I really really hope Chris’ mom was honest and told us the correct day that his sister is arriving and isn’t planning some sneaky shit where we show up in the morning and they are there.
He is only half way thru his chemo rounds and then there is still radiation after that. It has already been 5 months since he started chemo, at this rate the whole thing may take a year before we get to maintenance chemo.
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I’m going to turn my brain off as best I can and just focus on one step at a time, just one little step.
ad astra per aspera 