ad astra per aspera

So Chris emailed his mom instead of arguing with her over text. He explained that he was upset because Mary wasn’t listening to him when he was asking her to not share information with Brenda. That he didn’t want his personal information shared with his sister when she was acting so selfishly at a time when he needed her support, not her drama.

Some examples he gave:

• When I was diagnosed Amanda posted something on her facebook wall about it, Brenda posted a rude response.  When Amanda sent her a message apologizing Brenda completely ignored her.  Instead of showing sympathy, she chose to make it about her, how she felt, and give Amanda the silent treatment.
• When Amanda chose facebook as a means to share information about me, Brenda didn’t like that she wasn’t the first to know, again making it about her.
• Brenda rarely texts Amanda; when we started the donation page, Brenda immediately began texting Amanda daily asking about how much money we had received and from whom. Brenda hasn’t donated any money; so why does this concern her? Who has donated money to us, or how much, is none of her business.
• When Brenda found out that we were moving to Austin and were having a garage sale to help offset the high cost of moving; she texted Amanda again asking ” why are you having a garage sale? what are you selling?  are you selling my Grandmother’s table?  are my parents still watching Magnus when you move?”  When Amanda replied that I was in the hospital and she was at work and didn’t have time to text out everything she was selling, Brenda got offended and has never texted Amanda again. Brenda had no desire to purchase anything, she lives 14+ hours away for crying out loud, she just wanted to be in control and dictate terms to us.
• Ever since Brenda knew that Magnus was going to be staying with you and dad she has made it an issue.  She has wanted to know how long are you watching him, does that mean you can’t watch Taylor, and made comments to other family members stating that she doesn’t think you should be watching him, or aren’t capable of watching him.  Instead of being sympathetic to the situation and understanding, she has added more stress to it.  It has been extremely difficult for Amanda and I not to be with Magnus, and having my own sister showing no sympathy for us has made it far more difficult, not better.
  
• Amanda has gone above and beyond to share information with friends and family about me. Instead of being appreciative, Brenda deletes BOTH OF US from facebook, this proves that she doesn’t care about updates to my condition and treatment, as this was the only way at the time we were letting FAMILY and FRIENDS know.
  – When I told Brenda that Mark had set up a camera at your house for us to Skype, her response was to complain that she “had asked you to do it for years, but now because (I am) sick they (you) do it for me”.  She completely missed the point that Mark was the one that set it up and that I told her about it because it meant that her and I both could Skype with you!  I’ve asked Brenda repeatedly about Skyping with us, and she never has. She doesn’t care to.
• Brenda has asked you if we have given you money to help out with Magnus, this is none of her business.
• Brenda posted a mean messages directed at you on facebook.  It upsets me that she would treat you that way when you have done so much for her.
  

He said he didn’t want to get into an argument with his mother about Brenda or have her try to justify her behavior, like she has in the past. She says Brenda acts this way because she has diabetes and we just don’t understand. He said it hurt him that neither of his parents had spoken up and told Brenda that her behavior is unacceptable. He said he didn’t expect his mom to agree with him, but he did expect her to respect his wishes about not talking to her about our son, or his medical treatment, or just the details of our lives when she made it clear she doesn’t care.

She emailed him back with no understanding and lots of her own drama. She said Chris was making her blood pressure increase and was giving her heart palpitations. She told Chris that their “feud” is tearing her apart and that it’s killing her and will put her in the ground. “Guaranteed fact” was her wording.

She flat out refused to respect his wishes and said that asking her to not talk about our son with Brenda was “kindred to asking me to put a plastic bag over my head.” She said Chris was threatening to take her grandson away and “I think you are going to kill me.”

Just lovely. I’m sorry – I thought Chris was the one in the hospital with an acute aggressive cancer? What kind of twilight zone are we trapped in. We moved here because we thought it would be better to be closer to family and we would have their support. I thought he would at the least have consistent hospital visits from them, since they live just a 40 minute drive from the hospital.

This is such a mess.