ad astra per aspera

Staring at this screen refreshing to see who has commented on Chris’ status telling he has cancer. Thinking should I comment on it? I don’t have anything public to say since he’s with me but why does it feel strange if I’m silent? Why am I fixating on something so insignificant?
Past my bedtime and I should have showered. So many fucking things to do, people to call, paperwork to fill out.
I keep listening to the National’s “anyone’s ghost” and that line “you said it should tear a kid apart, it does” breaks me in half. I think about Magnus growing up without his father and it stops me and I don’t know how to see past it and where it goes – it’s a blank spot.
What will I do if he dies? I don’t know.